Page Title

CORONA VIRUS(COVID-19) COMEDY

Starring:

Bros. Coro
Oga Hunga
1st NCDC Member
2nd NCDC Member

NIGERIAN VERSION/PIDGIN VERSION

(Oga Hunga and Bros. coro are seen sitting in the compound.)

Bros. coro: Omo! This corona dey cause problem oo... This lockdown no make shop open and I dey hungry like say tomorrow no dey

Oga Hunga: Na only you? See wetin my stomach dey do(stomach rumbles). E dey pain me well well...

Bros. coro: (stares at Oga Hunga)

Oga Hunga: Wetin? Why you dey look me?

Bros. coro: You know wetin dey my mind?

Oga Hunga: No

Bros. coro: (points at Oga Hunga head) You see this your head wey you carry, (twists his hand) e dey resemble BIG fufu and as I dey look am so, e dey sweet for my eye

Oga Hunga: Ok abi you don talk your own finish? Now make i talk my own. You no know sey your head big pass my own and e dey look like BIGGER fufu. If I just carry am now, e go contain my pot.

Bros. coro: Abi you don start? You dey talk when I dey talk? Ok na!

(15 insults later...)

Bros. coro: Ah.. o boy, make I go sleep. Maybe the sleep go make me forget about hunger and by the time I wake up, e fit be say this our Governor go change him mind about the lockdown and we go fit buy something chop.

Oga Hunga: Make I follow you sleep too. Maybe hunger go comot for my bele small

(Bros. coro goes into the house and lies down on the bed. As he sees Oga Hunga approaching the bed, he crosses his leg over the other side of the bed)

Oga Hunga: Wetin be this? Abeg shift your leg make I lie down for bed

Bros. coro: How can we be sleeping on the same bed?

Oga Hunga: But no be this same bed we dey sleep before?

Bros. coro: You know hear when they talk "SOCIAL DISTANCING"? Or your ear comot the time dem dey talk am? So you make we do "touching body"? E no go work.

Oga Hunga: If you no wan make I sleep for bed, wey I go sleep?

Bros. coro: Go sleep for couch

Oga Hunga: Ok na. But if I sleep for couch, I go sleep for bed tomorrow. We go dey take turn for sleeping position.

Bros. coro: (Rolls his eyeballs and hisses) Mtchew!!! Whatever!

(Oga Hunga goes to the couch and sleeps there. After some minutes, Bros. coro is heard coughing and sneezing aggressively. This continues for 2 minutes and stops. Oga Hunga wakes up.)

Oga Hunga: Bros. coro, you dey hear anything?

Bros. coro: I no dey hear anything oo. Wetin you dey hear so?

Oga Hunga: E be like say you dey sneeze and cough.

Bros. coro: (denies) No!!!!! No be me oo!!! Maybe na that our neighbour wey dey sneeze and cough.

Oga Hunga: Okay oo...

(Both men go back to sleep. After some minutes, Bros. coro is heard coughing and sneezing more aggressively again, then he stops. Oga Hunga wakes up).

Oga Hunga: You sure say no be you wey dey cough?

Bros. coro: You be deaf and dumb? I tell you say na our neighbour wey dey cough. Eheh! You know say corona virus dey fly? cover the holes on the door with wrapper so that our neighbour coughing and sneezing no go enter and give us corona.

Oga Hunga: (looks at Bros. coro suspiciously) Okay oo!!!

(Both men go back to sleep. After some minutes, Bros. coro coughs and sneezes more aggressively non-stop. Unknown to him, Oga Hunga isn't asleep. He is peeping at Bros. coro coughing. After Bros. coro is done coughing and sneezing, he peeps to check if Oga Hunga is asleep. Immediately, Oga Hunga closes his eyes. Bros. coro opens his eyes to find Oga Hunga eyes closed thinking he is asleep when he is not.)

(The Next Morning...)

(Bros. coro bed is seen outside the compound. Bros. coro is still on the bed. Suddenly,voices are heard. Meanwhile, Bros. coro eyes are still closed)

Bros. coro: (thinks that the voices are the voices of his friends). Abeg no disturb me. If our Governor don remove the lockdown, go buy sometin cook, make I chop. When the food don ready, you wake me up.

1st NCDC Member: Bros, we be NCDC, the Nigerian Centre for Disease Control

Bros. coro: Ehh!!! (opens his eyes and sees the NCDC surrrounding him). come! Wetin una dey find for my compound.

2nd NCDC Member: Bros, your room mate report say you dey sneeze and cough well well and e fit be say na sign of corona virus.

Bros. coro: (boils in anger) If I see that my room mate eh... I swear, I go use am make peppersoup.

1st NCDC Member: Bros, follow us so that we go check whether you dey positive for corona virus.

Bros. coro: See eh.. With due respect, leave my compound because the cough wey I cough na Hunger cough. No be corona. You know, e get the kind of cough wey person go cough, e go be like corona cough. Na the kind of cough I cough. Abeg, no be corona. Since yesterday, na so hungry dey wire me, I no fit sleep. Na just this morning sleep enter me. Please, if you get money, give me small make I use go buy sometin keep for bele.

2nd NCDC Member: Bros, we go give you the money after we test you for corona virus.

Bros. coro: Mtchew!!! You know hear wetin I talk? I say na hunger cough I cough. Wetin you no understand?

1st NCDC Member: Abeg, make we carry am. E dey stubborn.

(The NCDC Members carry him and drag him while Bros. coro is crying and shouting)

Bros. coro: Hey!!! Ewoo!!! Hey!!! Somebody help me oo!!! Dey wan kill me with corona oo!!! Na hunger!!! Na hunger oo!!! Leave me oo!!! I no get corona and I never chop ooo!!!

FOREIGN VERSION/ENGLISH VERSION

(Oga Hunga and Bros. coro are seen sitting in the compound.)

Bros. coro: This corona virus is causing problem. This lockdown made shops not to open and I am hungry like there is no tomorrow

Oga Hunga: Is it only you? Look at what my stomach is doing(stomach rumbles). It hurts so bad

Bros. coro: (stares at Oga Hunga)

Oga Hunga: What? Why are you looking at me?

Bros. coro: Do you know what I am thinking?

Oga Hunga: No

Bros. coro: (points at Oga Hunga head) The head you are carrying, (twists his hand) it looks like resemble BIG cocoyam food(fufu) and as I am looking at it, it looks sweet in my eye.

Oga Hunga: Ok you are done talking right? Now I will say my own, Don't you know that your head is bigger than my own and it looks like BIGGER cocoyam food(fufu). If I carry it now, it will contain my pot.

Bros. coro: You have started right? You are talking when I am talking? Very well then!

(15 insults later...)

Bros. coro: Ah.. my brother , let me sleep. Maybe the sleep will make me forget about hunger and by the time I wake up, it could happen that our Governor will change his mind about the lockdown and we could buy something to eat.

Oga Hunga: Let me follow you sleep too. Maybe I won't be hungry again

(Bros. coro goes into the house and lies down on the bed. As he sees Oga Hunga approaching the bed, he crosses his leg over the other side of the bed)

Oga Hunga: What is the meaning of this? Please shift your leg, let me lie down in the bed

Bros. coro: How can we be sleeping on the same bed?

Oga Hunga: But is it not this same bed we sleep in before?

Bros. coro: You did not hear when they said "SOCIAL DISTANCING"? Or your ear removed the time they were saying it? So you want us to have body contact? It won't work.

Oga Hunga: If you don't want me to sleep in the bed, where will I sleep?

Bros. coro: Go and sleep in the couch

Oga Hunga: Very well. But if I sleep in the couch, I will sleep in the bed tomorrow. We will take turn for sleeping position.

Bros. coro: (Rolls his eyeballs and hisses) Mtchew!!! Whatever!

(Oga Hunga goes to the couch and sleeps there. After some minutes, Bros. coro is heard coughing and sneezing aggressively. This continues for 2 minutes and stops. Oga Hunga wakes up.)

Oga Hunga: Bros. coro, are you hearing anything?

Bros. coro: I am not hearing anything. What did you hear?

Oga Hunga: It seems you are sneezing and coughing.

Bros. coro: (denies) No!!!!! It is not me!!! Maybe it is our neighbour that is sneezing and coughing.

Oga Hunga: Okay oo...

(Both men go back to sleep. After some minutes, Bros. coro is heard coughing and sneezing more aggressively again, then he stops. Oga Hunga wakes up).

Oga Hunga: Are you sure say you are not coughing?

Bros. coro: Are you deaf and dumb? I told you that it is our neighbour that is coughing. You know that corona virus flies? cover the holes on the door with material , so that our neighbour coughing and sneezing will not enter and give us corona virus.

Oga Hunga: (looks at Bros. coro suspiciously) Very well!!!

(Both men go back to sleep. After some minutes, Bros. coro coughs and sneezes more aggressively non-stop. Unknown to him, Oga Hunga isn't asleep. He is peeping at Bros. coro coughing. After Bros. coro is done coughing and sneezing, he peeps to check if Oga Hunga is asleep. Immediately, Oga Hunga closes his eyes. Bros. coro opens his eyes to find Oga Hunga eyes closed thinking he is asleep when he is not.)

(The Next Morning...)

(Bros. coro bed is seen outside the compound. Bros. coro is still on the bed. Suddenly,voices are heard. Meanwhile, Bros. coro eyes are still closed)

Bros. coro: (thinks that the voices are the voices of his friends). Please do not disturb me. If our Governor has removed the lockdown, buy something and cook, let me eat. When the food is ready, you wake me up.

1st NCDC Member: Bros, we are NCDC, the Nigerian Centre for Disease Control

Bros. coro: What!!! (opens his eyes and sees the NCDC surrrounding him). What are you looking for in my compound.

2nd NCDC Member: Bros, your room mate reported that you are sneezing and coughing very well and it could be a sign of corona virus.

Bros. coro: (boils in anger) If I see that my room mate... I swear, I will use him to make peppersoup.

1st NCDC Member: Bros, follow us so that we will check whether you are positive for corona virus.

Bros. coro: See.. With due respect, leave my compound because the cough that I coughed is Hunger cough. It is not corona. You know, there is a kind of cough that someone wll cough, it will be like corona cough. That is the kind of cough I coughed. Please, it is not corona. Since yesterday, i was seriously hungry, I couldn't sleep. It is just this morning I fell into a deep sleep. Please, if you have money, give me small let me buy something to eat.

2nd NCDC Member: Bros, we will give you the money after we test you for corona virus.

Bros. coro: Mtchew!!! Didn't you hear what I said? I said it is hunger cough I coughed. What don't you understand?

1st NCDC Member: Please, let us carry him. He is stubborn.

(The NCDC Members carry him and drag him while Bros. coro is crying and shouting)

Bros. coro: Hey!!! Hey!!! Somebody help me!!! They want to kill me with corona oo!!! I is hunger!!! It is hunger oo!!! Leave me alone!!! I don't have corona virus and I have not eaten ooo!!!

COVID-19 COMEDY(#laugh your head off)