My stammer

My stammer

Not very many of you may know that I have a stammer. By reading the word, you might not know what it is, but if I typed, "H-h-h-i!" you would immediately know what I'm talking about. People have made fun of me in the past about it, but now I don't really care that much and for 500 followers, I think it's time to tell you about stammering and my personal experience with it.

What annoys me is that people make fun of stammering (AKA stuttering) because they don't really understand the condition. Here is a list of basic stuttering facts:

It's a speech disorder
3 types:

Repitition - the stereotype stammer, it's pretty self explanitory. EG "H-h-h-hi, B-b-be-c-k-ky"
Prolongation - a feeling of being unable to get a sound out. It feels like your toungue and/or lips are physically stuck together. EG "Hhhhhhh-i Becky"
Blocking - the most annoying type, you open your mouth and no sound comes out, either that or an awkward croak comes out. You look like a goldfish when this happens - trying to talk with no sound coming out. EG "*awkward goldfish movements and silence when trying to greet Becky*"

Affects 70 million people worldwide - seems like a lot, but that's only 1% of the population
Affects people with a ratio of 4/5:1, 4 or 5 men to 1 woman
Normally starts at ages 2-5 while learning to talk. I didn't develop one until I was 9 or 10
The worst part: No known cause (although traumatic events are linked to stammer development), no cure and the only treatment is speech therapy, which has a stupidly long waiting list
I was on a waiting list for just over a year

So, factually speaking I shouldn't even have a stammer. Stuttering does not give physical pain or problems, but it brings so much emotional pain and shame. I have been the victim of bullying, although it has stopped now. I am now going to tell you about my experience with stammering and how it has (and is) affected my life. Suprisingly, some of it was for the better.

All of the pain started whenever I was about 9 or 10. My mum had noticed that I had started stuttering recently, but she ignored it for a couple of months because she thought it was just a 'phase' I was going through. I don't remember the exact order of events for about a year, but some of the memories included being bullied for a couple of weeks and Mum putting me on a speech therapy waiting list. I was on the list for over a year before I got an initial appointment, which was just a lot of questions about my health and life experiences, to try and figure out if a traumatic event had caused my stammer. At the time, I didn't think of anything traumatic, and it was only recently that I thought of what might be the reason.

Before we get to my reason therory, I mentioned in the last paragraph that I was bullied for a couple of weeks. At that time I had been playing the violin for about two years, and I had joined a local orchestra for people 8-12. I was the only one from my school that went to the orchestra, except for someone who sang in the choir. I'll tell you more about them later. I had made a friend who was a year older than me but went to a different school, and we were friends for the whole time I went to that orchestra. There was a boy in our section that always tried to annoy me and my friend every time he walked past us. Then one day he turned his attention to me, or more specifically my stammer. He would mimic me, and one day when I tried to stand up for myself, I had the awkward goldfish-croak-repitition-prolongation thing. He then laughed, copied me again, poked me with his bow and walked off.

I had had enough. I broke down and did what you're meant to do, tell someone, I told the orchestra conductor about what had happened, which was really hard as I hate getting people into trouble. The orchestra conductor is normally really scary, but they were incredibly supportive about the whole thing. The boy was taken out of the room and that was the end of the bullying. Now, some of the boys in another class in my year occasionally try to make upset about it, but I don't care anymore.

Now, the person who sang in the choir and the posssible traumatic event. To cut an extremely long and painful story short, the person wasn't a good friend and one day I lost it. I shouted at them, walked off and we were never friends again. I only had one other friend at school at that time, and losing that 'friend' was really hard for me and might have contributed to my stammer.

About a year or so later, after this event, our school travelled to take part in an event with other schools all over the country. It was science based and teamwork and communication were vital. The last activity I was in a group with a few other schools, and we had to build a dome out of tubes and connectors. I was helping a boy from a different school, who I thought was mimicking my stutter. At that point I was 11 and didn't care much if anyone tried to make fun of me anymore. After 20 minutes, I realised he wasn't mimicking me, he actually had a stammer! We worked so well together for the rest of the activety. Neither one of us said anything about the other's stammer, but we just seemed to understand the other's struggles without talking about it.

I am almost done. Last year I had proper speech therapy sessions, and my stammer has greatly improved. I have found a new confidence in myself and I've joined debating club at school. I'm not scared to do class presentations either! My new friends at school have been incredibly supportive and understanding, and although I still have my stutter, it doesn't affect my life anymore. No matter what condition you have, everyone is equal and you will find support, just like I did.

My stammer - 500 follower code